There's No Sunshine Under A Rock

I turned 25 years old this week.  Even though, I had an awesome birthday, I have noticed that I have had waves of depression hitting me this week.  It's like this mind funk comes over me and I feel like my mind goes blank for a few minutes.  It seems to be happening more frequently than usual.

I keep thinking, "I turned 25 and what do I have to show for it? I still live with my parents.  I'm still going to college.  I don't have a career or a boyfriend.  I feel like a failure."  Then, I snap myself out of it for a few hours.  The feeling of defeat comes back intermittently.  I keep hoping that things will work out.  I keep telling myself that one day, my efforts will be rewarded.  I keep trying to look at the positives in my life, so that I can attempt to outweigh the negatives.

Unfortunately, there's a lot of negatives that have pervaded my life to outweigh, so there are times when it seems insurmountable.  I don't even want to be social because I don't want to talk about what I've been through over the last 5 years.  It was just one negative after another.  Dark sad stuff is not the stuff of friendly conversation.  I just want to hide away somewhere and live under a rock until there is more sunshine in my life worth conversing about.  Yet, how am I going to get any sunshine, if I'm under the shadow of a rock?

It makes no sense.  I cannot sit on a moutaintop for 6 months of meditation to achieve perfect health and abandon the world in aims of inner insight.  Thoreau, I envy you.  When I see the politicians on television and all the crap they spew, I realize more and more how we're all doomed.  The whole world is going to Hades and the politicians are dragging us down with them.  I really don't know how on Earth, life is supposed to get better for my generation, a generation where more is expected of us and everything is more expensive.

How is anyone supposed to get a job, when the minimum qualifications to get a job are more than a lot of people have? How is anyone supposed to afford a decent standard of living, when your paycheck from your part-time job barely pays the bills? It is tough out there and I don't see a light to guide us out of the difficulties put before us.  I hope I'm making the right decisions, but everyday I wonder if I'm making a mistake.  I figure this feeling is normal and affects a lot of people throughout life, but I have to admit my disdain for it.