Lost Dreams, Inner Judgments, Summer Happens While I Made Other Plans (That Failed)

I keep dreaming that I'm lost.  I dream that I'm attending high school again after I've already graduated.  I feel awkward and ashamed that I'm back in high school, when I've already been to college in real life.  I keep thinking that I should not be moving backwards.  Sometimes, I dream that I am back in Colorguard, doing routines for current football seasons.  It feels so surreal, but there is truth in what it is referring to in real life. 

I reflect on how my life has gone up to this point.  I kind of feel ashamed of having taken general education classes, when I found out afterwards that I could have waived them with a form at my second college two years ago.  I like to believe it was partly my adviser's fault, since she didn't realize that such a form existed and it was the reason why I was submitting 140 credits worth of transfer credit forms.

Furthermore, perhaps I was supposed to have taken introductory courses in civil engineering, so that I could network into the job opportunity that I had in the summer of 2012.  Maybe, everything was supposed to work out this way.  It seems so weird that I had to go backwards in order to go forward.

This summer has not gone the way I thought it would go.  I had 3 potential job opportunities and they all fell through.  I am afraid of not having enough financial aid to cover next year's tuition and books.  This dreary possibility has upset the very core of my being.  Thus, I am depressed.

I have been filling out scholarship and job applications all summer.  Cleaning my room is still a work-in-progress (WIP).  My inner critic is having a field day with the actuality that is my life this summer.  Yet, I hope that whatever slump I'm in will cease to exist and the summer can be salvaged.  Perhaps, I should try my luck at BINGO sometime this summer because I have won before in the past on rare occasions when I really needed a win.

I shall hope that the financial aid and employment gods smile upon me and the rays of sunshine break through the dark cloudy skies.  I need something to work out, so I can finish the yearly academic plan that I have made for this coming 2013-2014 school year.  If all else fails, BINGO!